Monday, September 28, 2009

Reality based sexual violence prevention

What We Can Learn From the Dugard Case from Human Rights Watch
We have to consider the possibility that our policies on sexual violence do not protect us, have not increased the number of offenders brought to justice and waste precious resources in the fight against rape and sexual assault.

Focusing so many resources on registration and community notification ignores the reality of sexual violence in the United States.

Being in this work it's still sometimes baffling to me the discrepancy between what we in the movement know to be effective and what the society at large dedicates resources to.

Sunday, September 27, 2009


bewyrd on September 27, 2009
on #2...i never said no...i may have said yes...but with all my heart i meant no. it still isn't your fault. just maybe it isn't his either...but it doesn't change the effects. i've learned that.

sumth1ngcrazy on September 26, 2009
I said no once, and was ignored. Then I said yes when I shouldn't have and I live with that every day. I'm not sure which hurts worse.

1. Happy to see supportive (rather than blaming) comments, sorry that each had a similar experience which made them able to be supportive.
2. So positive that we as a culture have no idea what "consent" is. Consent is sexual violence prevention, and is so much more than "yes" or "no".

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Mackenzie Phillips

Of that night, Phillips writes in her book, "I woke up from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father."

Waking up to being penetrated is Rape.
Your father penetrating you is Rape.

It's ok for her to interpret her experience for herself in the language that makes her comfortable. It's ok for her to have navigated that experience in ways that made sense to her, but it's important for us, everyone, and especially the media, to know that it's not consensual sex, this is Rape.

For a more indepth analysis see Rape Apologism and the Response to Mackenzie Phillips.

Drunk, painful, unwanted; Rape.

It’s three in the morning. You have it inside you right now. It kind of hurts. You’ve had one too many cups of jungle juice. You think his name is Andrew, but you’re not really sure. You thought you would never be that girl, but there you are, in your drunken haze.

You wake up the day after to an unfamiliar ceiling, some guy who smells like booze, AXE body spray and, well, something else. He wants to cuddle and you’re starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up [ ________ ].

Reader: How did the AU Eagle complete that sentence?

a. You’re starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up was rape.

b. You’re starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up was a product of society’s shaming of female sexuality, which encourages women to resort to dangerous, heavily intoxicated, and painful sex with strangers instead of openly pursuing empowered, respectful, and satisfying sexual experiences with desired sexual partners.

c. You’re starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up could turn into something.

Amanda Hess has the write up at The Sexist on how this is, if nothing else, bad sex advice. She also points out that there's still a lot of confusion over whether or not it's Rape. Let's be clear:

If you wake up and someone's in the process of penetrating you - that's Rape.
If you weren't there for all the stuff that led up to that moment (ie were not actively, enthusiastically, lucidly engaged), then it was unwanted. Wanted means pursued - which means there was some activity happening. Unwanted = Rape.
If "huh?" is the first thing that crosses your mind, that's not a drunken hook-up, that's Rape.

“How the hell is that rape?” wrote one. “I hear of this kind of stuff happening all the time.”

Yea, it's Rape. And it happens all the time.
That it happens is not nullifying.

Sure, I can imagine a world where kids (or adults) drink a lot and then have sex (sex, not rape). But pretending that we don't know the line between drunk-sex and Rape is just that - pretending. We know the difference when a person wants to be doing something, and when we're exploiting a vulnerable situation. Calling it "gray" or drunken, or regrettable, or normal - is a lie, and only shows your willingness to cover for rapists.

And for the apologists - or, unapologists as it were - at the Eagle: Using the "seriousness" of Rape and sexual assault to silence protests over bad media, only makes your media worse. Don't pretend to be defending women and victims by co-opting the very event you're minimizing.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Rape: Big Brother Style

Holding 9 women captive under the pretense of being on reality TV, selling naked pictures and videos of them online without their knowledge, definitely Rape.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

To clarify:

When someone "cuddly" has "surprise sex" w/ women, it's rape.

I only play a feminist on TV

These days anybody who is allowed on TV and publicly claims to be a feminist isn’t one. She’s straight, conventionally attractive, takes pole dancing lessons, and espouses the belief that femininity empowerfulizes her. If any “feminist” should accidentally let it out that being sexually manipulative has not a high moral purpose, or that patriarchy even exists, let the ridicule fly.

Twisty discourages straight quoting, but I can't seem to help myself. Her prose and point are perfectly stunning...I hope if we met she'd forgive me.