Thursday, June 28, 2007

Accidental Rape

I've spent the last 2 days at a conference put on by CALCASA and the US Dept of Justice on sexual assault programs on campuses. It was amazing, I can't rave about it enough and I've come away with lots of things to think about. For now, I'm preoccupied with this:

Can Rape be accidental?

The endnote interactive theater designed to demonstrate possible scenarios of acquaintance Rape on college campuses did a role play where

Two people meet in class, they see each other at parties, start to talk, hang out. They end up studying one night, order pizza, drink some, start fooling around. She starts kissing him, they're wrestling around, tickling. "Stop" is said several times in the context of tickling. The male says that almost every time she said "stop" in a sexual context he did, and she resumed the kissing/tickling/wrestling. He said at the point when they are on his bed, and she takes off his shirt, he assumes this is an affirmative to sexual intercourse. She whispers "stop" once while he's inside of her, then says nothing and he continues, they fall asleep, he calls her a few days later. Then finds out she's accusing him of Rape. It could happen to anyone right? It happens every weekend...

This situation is Rape. She says "stop" to sexual intercourse and he chose not to stop. The point is to show a grey area that may muddle the concept of consent. The fact that there can not be grey area in consent - that nothing besides an explicit affirmation to sexual intercourse constitutes consent is another post.

My conflict comes from this; the workshop I was at directly prior to this skit was on the mindset of a Rapist. The presenter (Sabrina Garcia, who was incredible) very specifically said "Rape is NOT an accident." She maintained that the mindset, justification and entitlement necessary for someone to perpetrate sexual assault needs to be fostered. Rapists know what they are doing, and they know how to use language, social constructs, and specifically Rape myths to minimize their action to anything other than Rape. The fact of the matter is that it is Rape and they are Rapists on purpose.

David Lisak also maintains that while only about 7% of men Rape, those that do are repeat offenders. The "nice guy, didn't know what he was doing" is a myth which allows these men to minimize and continue their behavior. He found that 63% of Rapists are repeat offenders.

I want to believe in the good in people, but at the same time, I believe in my soul that Rape is evil.

Are these mutually exclusive? Is there such a thing as accidental Rape? Does believing in accidental Rape allow us to focus on education (such as the skits) to clear away the confusion? Or does it just perpetuate a myth which allows Rape to continue?

Don't say Rape

Online Dating

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

* rape (24x)
* sex (16x)
* porn (12x)
* shit (3x)
* shoot (2x)
* sexy (1x)

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Man who raped 10 year-old gets lenient sentence because girl dressed "provocatively"

No, this isn't about the case we reported on several months ago, where a 20 year-old man who raped a 10 year-old off with no jail time because of "his belief that she was over 16." This is a whole new load of bullshit.

Oxford Crown Court heard that [Keith] Fenn raped the girl in a park on 14 October, before an accomplice, Darren Wright, 34, took her home and sexually assaulted her.

Judge Hall said in sentencing he faced a moral dilemma as the fact they had sex within 45 minutes of meeting was an absolute crime.

But he said the girl had dressed provocatively and looked as though she was 16. (Emphasis mine)

Well it's nice to know that the way a 10 year-old dresses has bearing on whether or not she was assaulted. Fucking disgusting.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Baby Killer

This is a baby killer.

An eye for an eye really means a baby for a fetus
Illegal drugs make you kill babies - even when you're not on them
One should not go to jail for killing babies when one has babies that would miss them
The ways to terrorize women into submission are endless.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

One word, sounds like Rape...

Explain to me a trial where the crime is banned from being mentioned. I don't understand how that is supposed to equal justice.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Sell sex, not safety

“We always find it funny that you can use sex to sell jewelry and cars, but you can’t use sex to sell condoms,” said Carol Carrozza, vice president of marketing for Ansell Healthcare, which makes LifeStyles condoms.

The use of sex in advertising (especially sex equated with submissive, objectified women) absolutely encourages the Rape culture. Commodified sex is used ubiquitously through out western culture and often for things that have nothing to do with actual sex. Suddenly when safe, responsible sex is the selling point, the ads are bared from networks. We are essentially cementing the dis juncture between egalitarian, respectful, safer sex, and the representations that look more like Rape. Also not a coincidence that ads for erectile dysfunction (drugs exclusively for male sexual pleasure) are aired during the Superbowl. Condom ads are fine as long as they focus on HIV and STIs (which infect both men and women). But when the issue is pregnancy - a condition only physically affecting women, it's too racy for TV.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Internet Porn

In holding interviews for the project that birthed this blog, one of the most common themes was a sense that internet porn, in it's unparalleled accessibility and endless depiction of almost any type of sex or violence, was corroding the line of consent. I couldn't articulate what that meant specifically, but I think the blog entry below from Jared Paul does.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

So, I fucked up and looked at internet porn last night.

i hate it and it made me feel gross
a long time ago i came to the conclusion that almost all porn on the internet made me feel sick. I've actually posted about it here before. Through the years i've gotten better at not looking. I've gotten it down to like 2, maybe 3 times a year, but as soon as i fuck up and look, i'm reminded of how sick it makes me.

i believe in Erotica. Where to find Erotica that doesn't make me sick? i dunno. I've got a fantastic imaginaton and never want it bad enough to make an effort to find it. i think we all agree that we all have our different ideas about what we think is acceptable in porn.

the idea of 30-45 year old dudes with money paying young 20 something girls from shitty back grounds to get fucked super graphically for shitty amateur websites makes me wanna kill myself.

not just because i know that a whole slew of surveys show that an extremely high percentage of women working in amateur porn, commercial porn, prostitution, and stripping reported having being sexually assaulted as a youth... not just because a proportionate % only sex-work while under the influence... not just because many of them develop multiple personality disorders as a result, and not just because it's something that'll be with them for ever, that they'll never be able to undo, not just because some of the girls i worked with in Group Homes have gone on to prostitution...

but because, to me, it feels like watching a beating. like when you see an ugly fight or beating in real life or graphic fight scenes on-line... it makes me feel sick in that same way. that same sick adrenaline tension.

like witnessing a molestation.

i scanned around and watched a single clip. And just couldn't get over thinking about how it seemed like an actual beating. I don't think it was what's billed as "violent porn," but the man was much bigger and older than the girl. And it seemed exactly like he was just acting out a fantasy. Like fucking the shit out of your partner without any interaction, like checking to see if they were ok... or tired... or wanted a break... just goin' to town... like she was a doll... like she was a slave... like she was trash... like an overseer doing whatever he wanted with a servant...

and it just felt like that... it felt like he could do anything to her... and it would seemlessly fit into the moment... it felt like a murder could happen. the way he was thrashing her around, like after it was done he could just take out a knife and slit her throat and it would just be part of the show.

it got me thinking about rape. and how thin the line is.

and about how many guys never considered their date rape, rape...
and about how many rapists don't see them selves as rapists...
and whether or not certain rapists prowl and assault women the same way that i look at porn...
like, "i know it's wrong. But i'm fucked up and it's an impulse. It'll never happen again..." And then, a year or two later... he sees an opportunity, AND BAM, it happens again... and he slips away... without the girl's older cousin finding out and murdering him in his apartment... without the cops ever finding him... without any consequence other than his guilt...

And it got me wondering how many of these Amateur porn guys have raped people before... and are now utterly astounded and relieved that although prostitution is illegal, they can pay an attractive 18-22 year old girl from the trailer park or the projects $150 to do almost anything they want to her on video... and it's legal because it's on the internet... and it's not considered prostitution because they are protected by the same laws that protect nudity and sex in Art...

got me wondering how many of these girls go there to find out that their one video shoot didn't go right... and that she won't get paid until they get the footage they want and that might take an extra 3 or 4 sessions...

like if she got really sore and needed a break...
or didn't realize how rough the extra $50 she took for the "Hardcore" shoot was gonna be and wanted to stop...

got me wondering how many times these girls are forced to do shit after the shoots...

got me wondering about what a rapist thinks about...
and it occurred to me for the first time in my life,
that MOST rapists, whether they attempt it or not, probably consider killing their victims at some point during the assault(s)... "oh shit, i never thought i'd take it this far (again?), oh god, if she tells anyone i'm fucked... how did i let this happen?! fuck even just going to jail, i think i might even deserve jail, but if this girl tells and i get caught, then i'll be a Rapist for the rest of my life... my mom will know, my job will know, my wife? kids? family? will know..."

got me wondering if the analogy was sound:

fighting : death
sexual intercourse : birth

and how easily sex can lead to death

got me thinking about getting more involved in sexual assault outreach as a volunteer; i used to have pamphlets for the Trauma Hotline at every Slam and have their Rep's in to speak, but i never volunteered with dropping them off in the community or training to work the phones...

got me thinking about what is acceptable...

got me thinking that i never want to look at porn that makes me sick again...

got me thinking that i should make myself more available...

got me thinking that i've never gotten to know a sex worker...
aside from a few childhood friends that did some stripping,
only online accounts...

my email is if you have had good or bad experiences as a sex worker and for whatever reasons want someone, or me in particular, to talk to about it please feel free to get in touch.

young girls... i don't know why this world hates you so much, but it does.
It acts indifferent, even friendly at times. But in it's secret heart, it wants to conquer you. To humilate you. To subjegate, defile, and degrade you.
It wants to hold you down and hurt till you cry out. It's secret heart says that you want it. That you deserve it. That's it's natural.

I do love my life and i am happy to be alive. I've been lucky enough to miss major trauma and am generally excited by every day. But sometimes i really hate this place. i wish i went out of my way to make people smile more often.

I think his gesture is amazing and want to add my email: for anyone who needs to use it.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Men Can Stop Rape

Men are the ONLY ones who can stop rape, considering 99.6% of rapes are perpetrated by men.

MCSR the organization, published this press release citing a study that says men WANT to stop Rape. At least that's promising, now all we need is the programs available to get them involved.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Virtual Rape

Rape is when someone takes control of your body without your consent. To me this includes sexual assault, forced pregnancies, and this