PostSecret

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My boyfriend makes me use a wheelchair. He says it's the only way he's attracted to me. I wish I could fly away.

Dating Violence.

Sexual Violence.

Sexual Violence.

I wish we didn't live in a culture that shames victims and makes them feel like what happens to them has to be their secret.

I post images regarding dating or sexual violence from postsecret.com in an attempt to center their context on the messages of violence, rather than of secrets. I think it's important to recognize how often experiences of violence are regarded as secret, as shameful. I think it's important to recognize that they are violence. 

Probably not.

It's rape when our culture drives us to base our worth in our body image validated by the opinion of a self-congratulating misogynist. Especially when his shtick only works by specifically undermining women's self esteem to gain power and control, hoping we'll "prove" ourselves by seeking his validating in the form of whether or not he'll fuck us.

Not "prevention-prevention"

Victim blaming, perpetuating rape myths, and camouflaging offender accountability are not tactics of prevention. They are rape culture.

 

Gender Across Boarders has a great response up (and actually found the flier out on campus) which you should read, here I have a few things to add.

"Don't get so drunk you don't know what you're doing" GAB identifies this as good general advice, but victim blaming in this context. I'll go a step further. Generally, people probably don't intend to get so drunk that they don't know what they're doing. Particularly on college campuses, students may not have much experience with drinking, and may not be quite in tune with their limits. If the goal is, in fact, to be oblivious, then perhaps we need to identify these people not as inviting rape, but in desperate need of support. Why are they using drinking as a coping mechanism? And to be really clear, drinking - regardless of amounts - does not invite rape. Targeting (mostly women) intoxication is rape.

"Don't accept a drink from someone you've just met...only leave your drink with someone you trust." denies both the original assertion of the card which is that alcohol is the #1 drug used to facilitate rape (so one doesn't need to slip anything in, just have you drink), and the fact that most sexual assaults are perpetrated by an acquaintance means that the someone you trust may be the someone trying to take advantage.

Rape happens on purpose, not as an unfortunate side effect of drinking. These lessons on the cards reinforce the message to victims that if they were drinking they are at fault for "inviting" or "being vulnerable" to rape.

We are vulnerable not because we are drunk, but because we are women in a society which allows and makes excuses rapists. Also, following these "SMART" tactics (which insinuate you're not if you're unable or ignored) don't prevent rape. Not raping people prevents rape. Holding rapists accountable prevents rape. Viewing and valuing women as more than sex objects prevents rape.There are all sorts of better lists out there for easy ways to prevent rape (like not raping someone), including one I came up with, which you can see here . (Update: Rebecca Whisnant *!! swoon* was kind enough to send along this list of helpful rape prevention tips.) (Update II: Twisty picked up on this and edited the helpful rape prevention tips and makes me chuckle!)

Victim blaming - especially in "prevention" messaging - helps rapists and hurts victims. 

WRONG

Taking your son to Hooters as a way to "gauge sexual interest" and avoid actually having to talk to your son about sexuality = massive parenting fail. Objectifying women is NOT the same as developing healthy sexuality.

Clarification

By the way, statements along the lines of "I'm not blaming the victim but..." or "I know she's had a hard life but..." or "I know she's young but..." or "I know it's not her fault but..." are a feminist party-foul. We will revoke your card. You will be just another Rape-apologist.

A not-so-rare-story

3 men go to jail for repeatedly raping a child family member.

Lets think of some things wrong with this story.

1. a woman was sexually assaulted
2. by her family members
3 her mother didn't believe her
4. in the coverate, the mother not believing her seems like the real travesty (not the multiple sexual assaults...)
5. Judge hands out jail sentences saying that the men treated victim like an "unpaid, unwilling prostitute".
...hold the phone a minute...ponder that...Rape and prostitution. If prostitution is unpaid its like Rape? If prostitution is unwilling its like Rape? Or just prostitution is like Rape? People who have been Raped are like prostitutes? Prostitutes deserve to be/are asking to be Raped? Thinking that you have the right to use women for sex? Thinking you have the right to use children for sex? The ideas that uphold the consumption of prostitution, that allow for the consumption of pornography - these are the same that allow for Rape. Is that what the judge meant?

6...
What are the wrongs pulsing through your veins about this story?

Reality based sexual violence prevention

What We Can Learn From the Dugard Case from Human Rights Watch

We have to consider the possibility that our policies on sexual violence do not protect us, have not increased the number of offenders brought to justice and waste precious resources in the fight against rape and sexual assault.

Focusing so many resources on registration and community notification ignores the reality of sexual violence in the United States.

Being in this work it's still sometimes baffling to me the discrepancy between what we in the movement know to be effective and what the society at large dedicates resources to.